


the next right thing

by kalebale



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Future Fic, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:27:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23818435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalebale/pseuds/kalebale
Summary: “Ames, I just think that maybe she needs to talk to someone.”“But she’s only six. Six! Six year olds have nightmares. Six year olds crawl into bed with you in the middle of the night to snuggle. Six year olds want their mommies and daddies to tell them that it’s okay and they love them. That’s normal.”“This doesn’t feel normal though,” Jake leaned against the kitchen sink, taking a deep sigh, “Have you asked her about her nightmares?”//Just a one-shot about Jake, Amy, and their daughter
Relationships: Jake Peralta & Amy Santiago, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago
Comments: 5
Kudos: 89





	the next right thing

**Author's Note:**

> Still somewhat brand new to the fandom so I'm not sure if this is my best attempt at writing Jake and Amy but here goes nothing :)
> 
> (Side note: I'm not a psychologist or a parent so I'm sorry in advance if I get something wrong or it doesn't feel accurate!)

A poke on her face was the last thing Amy expected to feel at 2 a.m.

“Mama?” A soft, sad voice whispered into the night.

Amy lifted her head, seeing Lulu and her heart growing heavy immediately at the sight. Her six year old stood there with a death grip on her cream bunny. The moon’s shine revealed Lulu’s tear stained cheeks and glossy eyes.

“Lulu, honey, what are you doing it up? Is everything okay?”

“I had a bad dream..”

Amy nodded and began to sit up. “I’m sorry, babe. How about we go back to your room and go back to sleep?”

Lulu shook her head, pulling her bunny up to her chin. “No!”

“Okay, okay,” The mother tried to console her so neither of them woke up Jake, “Do you want to sleep with me and Daddy tonight?”

A small nod was given in return before the little one crawled over Amy and under the covers in the middle of the bed. Amy came up behind her, with Lulu soon snuggling closer to her.

Combing her fingers through her daughter’s hair, a small kiss pressed up against Lulu’s temple. Nights like this were long but all too familiar. And it was always Lucy Santiago-Peralta that would be the one poking Jake or Amy in the middle of the night before joining them in bed.

“Mama?”

“Yeah baby?”

“Can you sing the song? The sunshine song?”

“Only if you close your eyes,” Amy brushed her thumb down soothingly against Lulu’s cheek, “You need to sleep. You got school tomorrow.”

A small yawn escaped the six year old’s mouth. “Okay.”

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...” Amy began the quiet singing while still brushing her thumb against Lulu’s cheek. “You make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you.”

Hearing the immediate soft snores of her daughter  _ (Amy knew that it would just be minutes before she was back asleep, regardless of where she was going to sleep) _ , she leaned down to press one last kiss on her nose. “ Please don't take my sunshine away.”

* * *

“Ames, I just think that maybe she needs to talk to someone.”

“But she’s only six. Six! Six year olds have nightmares. Six year olds crawl into bed with you in the middle of the night to snuggle. Six year olds want their mommies and daddies to tell them that it’s okay and they love them. That’s  **_normal_ ** .”

“This doesn’t feel normal though,” Jake leaned against the kitchen sink, taking a deep sigh, “Have you asked her about her nightmares?”

“No, not really,” She tried to shrug it off. She knew her kids. Or at least she hoped she knew them that well.

“I asked her this morning when you were in the shower about last night. She told me it was about you and that.. That incident at your precinct last month.”

Amy bit her lip, having a strong feeling that she knew which case he was talking about. It was all over the news--a stand-off at the 78th precinct,  **_Amy’s_ ** precinct where she was the captain. A man with a gun managed to--God knows how--sneak into her precinct. Amy was among the many held at gunpoint as the whole block went on lockdown.

It popped up as a breaking news announcement during a show Jake was watching with the two older kids. He remembers sitting on their couch in shock and the kids asking questions, gaining no response from Jake. It all felt like a fog. 

He tried to ground himself from the daze. Only a few things ran through his mind. He did not want to have that talk, the one he and Amy hoped would never come, with the kids. The one where he had to hold their nine year old, six year old, and four year old while fighting back his own tears to tell them how their mommy was not going to come home.

He did not want to have to pack up her boxes and let the kids pick out the meaningful things their mother owned--the binders, the photographs, her badge, her awards and decorations... 

He did not want to watch his kids wrestle with grief and long nights as they all  _ (including Jake)  _ wished that their wife, their mother, their Amy, was still there with them.

The phone call came hours after that. Amy reassured Jake that she was okay, she was coming home, and it was all going to be okay. He didn’t have to cross that bridge of grief and heartbreak today. Their family’s cornerstone was coming home and it was all going to be okay.

“Ames, she’s afraid that something’s going to happen to you again and she won’t have you with her anymore,” Jake called her back into real time, “I just think that something’s off with Lulu.”

She walked across the kitchen towards her husband, cupping his cheek and giving a weak smile. “I’m right here with you guys. I know that was scary and I don’t want to have you guys go through that again, but I’m right here. I’m safe. I’m not leaving just yet.”

“But Lu--” He started before she spoke again.

“I’ll keep an eye on Lu. She’ll be okay. We’ll all be okay,” Amy pressed a soft kiss to his lips before breaking it off just moments later, “Now, I need to go into the precinct for a bit today to finish some paperwork. Last minute stuff. I’ll be back in a few hours. Call me if you need me?”

Jake reached up, rubbing his thumb against her cupped hand. “Will do. Movie night still on?”

“Yep, I’ll bring home some stuff for pizza and I’ll leave you to do the rest.”

“Sounds good. I love you, Ames.”

“I love you too.”

Some little stomping feet came through the hallway followed by the voice of none other than Lucy Santiago-Peralta. “Mama, can you do my hair really quick? Like Charlie’s?”

Amy broke off her interaction with Jake. Walking over and meeting her daughter at her level, she tucked a lock of Lulu’s hair behind her ear. “I actually gotta go into work for a little bit today but I’ll be back in a few hours and we can do it then.”

“Can I just come with you to work? Please?! I’ll sit still in your office and color and play by myself and...” She continued to ramble on as Amy looked to Jake as he gave the same look he’s given her multiple times over the past month. One screaming at her,  _ ‘Ames, she’s doing it again.’ _

Amy remembers the countless mornings where Lulu would ask to go to work with Amy, promising to be quiet and keep to herself. There would also be requests  _ (or sometimes pleads)  _ for the mom to stay home with her, to snuggle up under blankets while watching both Frozen and Frozen II on repeat or whatever movie or show the little girl wanted.

At the beginning of it all, Amy gave in. Staying safe at home with her kids and Jake  _ (whenever he was off)  _ kept her anxiety down in the days following the incident. She got to love on them extra, braiding her girls’ hair and tickling her nine year old son as his giggles warmed the room. They would make blanket forts and play hide and seek and just enjoy the gift of being together.

But as the days and weeks went on, Amy had to return to work and the kids were now back into their routines. Mac was back to his goofy self, blaming his sisters for everything and playing Mario Party on the Switch with Jake whenever they could.  _ (She thanks God everyday for that child because she didn’t know how many more rounds of Megafruit Paradise she could take before she lost it.)  _ And Charlie was your typical preschooler, going to school, playing when she got home, and crashing immediately at bed time after a quick story.

Lulu did never truly revert back to herself. They kept a routine but Lulu constantly was attached to Amy’s hip. Both would try to get her off but it usually ended up in tears and screams that probably made their neighbors worry and feel the need to call the cops.

And that was most likely going to be the outcome for today.

“I wish you could come with me, baby, but I need you to hang out with Daddy for a little bit.”

“Please Mommy! I swear I’ll be good!” Lulu wrapped her arms around Amy’s neck, burying herself in her hair. “Promise!”

“Lu, babe, I need you to be a big girl and stay with Daddy today.”

Jake joined them on the ground, putting on his best smile and upbeat attitude. “Lulu, we’re gonna have so much fun when Mommy’s at work. We’re gonna eat ice cream and color and maybe we can play Animal Crossing for a little bit!”

_ (Jake got Animal Crossing for her a few days after Mac was born to help with some of the boredom she faced while staying at home. She thought she’d never get to the game since life with a newborn isn’t exactly a vacation. But after playing it once to make her husband happy, she was never able to put the game down. Something about building and governing her own town brought a new kind of joy and peace to Amy Santiago.) _

“Oh, Lu, Animal Crossing is so much fun! I just got a bunch of bait so you can go fishing. And there’s a bunch of flowers you can plant in the garden,” She pulled her daughter out of her embrace to face her again. “I’m going to go to work for a few hours, and you are going to be my big, brave girl and stay with Daddy.”

Tears fell again followed by a few loud sobs. “Mommy no! Take me with you!”

It hurt her to see Lulu like this but she knew that she couldn’t come with her to the precinct. She pressed a kiss to her temple and gave a tight hug before picking the little girl up. “I love you Lulu Bean. I love you so much. I’ll see you at 4.”

“Mommy don’t leave me!” She screamed as Jake took her out of Amy’s arms, holding her tight in his to prevent a great escape.

The screams continued as Amy slipped out their front door. Jake tried to hold on before Lulu slipped away from his grip, running to the door and banging on it. “Mommy! Come back! I miss you!”

Five minutes later, with Jake watching from the edge of their couch, her sobs turned into whimpers as she gave up her fight. She leaned against the door before pulling her knees into her chest. Jake saw her tired brown eyes, yearning for Amy to come home now.

“Hey Bean,” He picked her up off the ground and held her close. A peck was pressed against the side of her head. “Show or Animal Crossing?”

A small sniffle returned as Lulu played with the collar of Jake’s flannel. “Animal Crossing.”

* * *

“Mom’s not gonna like that you cheated, Dad,” Mac reminded his dad from his spot on the armchair.

Jake scoffed, still intensely watching the screen as the game started back up. “She won’t notice. It’s back to today’s date, I didn’t get any achievements or--”

“Nook Miles,” Mac responded, “They’re not achievements. They’re Nook Miles.”

“I didn’t get any **_Nook_** **_Miles_** ,” He pressed another button to start the game, “And I’m putting all the money in the bank so she won’t notice.”

Mac gave Jake a knowing look, “She checks the bank every time before she goes to Nook’s Cranny. And there’s a binder she writes in with her loans, what improvements need to be made around town, how much improvements cost...”

“How do you know all this?”

“She made me a binder for my town and wants me to watch how much money I spend.”

“And?”

Mac sighed, “I’m still paying Tom Nook off for my house and I have zero bells in the bank.”

Jake peaked over to find Lulu still wrapped up in her navy floral blanket. She hadn’t budged from that spot since Jake put her there three hours ago. Usually Lulu would be the one taking control of the game--chopping down trees, eating  _ (and eventually selling)  _ fruit, catching bugs, and more. 

This would be followed moments after by questions about why the other villagers didn’t help build the town, why they couldn’t have all the fruit trees instead of just peaches  _ (“Mommy, all the trees look like they have butts.”) _ , and why she was named Lucy instead of Isabelle.

But now she sulked on the couch, focused on the screen. Jake nudged her with his signature smile. “Want to catch some butterflies, Bean? Mommy’s garden was full of them when I passed by earlier. I have to grab the laundry real quick.”

She sighed, not making eye contact. “Sure.”

The controller was passed to her as Isabelle began with the daily island announcements. Yet something caught Lulu off guard as the character announced the time was 4:32 p.m.

Bolting off the couch, she ran to the peephole and tried to pull herself up. Mac watched before scoffing a bit. “What are you doing?”

“Mommy said she would be home at 4. It’s 4:32.” Her eye was still trying to look out the door. “She’s late and something happened at her work.”

Mac sighed before getting up and walking over to his sister. “She’s probably just in traffic or something.”

“You don’t know that for sure!”

“And you don’t know for sure what happened either!”

“What if she got hurt? What if somebody came back in with a gun to her office?” He heard the fear in her sister’s voice rise.

He sighed, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes. His mom’s words echoed in the back of his head, to try and be real. “But what if she didn’t? Mom and Dad get stuck in traffic all the time.”

“But what if she’s stuck in her office and some bad guy has a gun? What if she’s in trouble?”

“You don’t know that for sure though!”

“I do too!”

“Do not!”

“Do too!”

“Ugh!” Finally at the end of his rope, Mac pulled his sister off the door and onto the ground.

“MAC!” Lulu yelled while trying to wrestle out of his grip. “LET ME GO! I’M GONNA TELL!”

Mac fought back, trying to hold onto her. “No! You’re just gonna go back and cry about Mom when nothing’s happening!”

“No, I’m not!”

“Yes, you are!”

Almost simultaneously, both yelled for the one person that could solve both of their problems.

“DAD!”

“DADDY!”

And just as Jake sprinted down the hall with Charlie in his arms, Amy opened the door to their apartment. Both looked wide-eyed at their two children wrestling on the ground, back at each other, and then back to their children.

“McClane, let go of your sister!” Jake, putting their four year old down, broke the silence while reaching for his son who had just pinned Lulu to the ground.

Amy soon followed but went for her daughter. “Lucy, don’t hit your brother!”

Eventually the two were separated with their respective parent. Jake held Mac back from going back towards Lulu, and Lulu buried herself in Amy’s embrace. Loud sobs echoed throughout the apartment. Her hands kept a tight grip on her mother’s uniform.

Amy looked around at the scene, wondering what had happened. Maybe Mac said something, maybe Lulu instigated something, maybe...

“Mac, what happened?” Jake turned his son around to face him. She could see the confusion written across his face. “I left for just a few minutes.”

“It was Lu’s fault!” He tightened his fist while pointing to Amy and Lulu. Anger sparked in his voice as he looked back to Amy, her face begging for an explanation. He sighed as he started over. “She kept saying a bad guy probably brought a gun back into her office and that’s why she was late.”

Amy looked down at her daughter. “Babe, were you worried about me?”

Mac turned back to Jake. “I just didn’t want Lu to worry or run out of the house. Mom promised she was gonna be safe and she keeps her promises.”

Jake nodded, “I know, bud. Can you take Charlie and go play in her room for a bit? I’ll be down there when I can.” Jake ruffled his hair. Mac took his youngest sister’s hand in his and went down to the other room.

Meanwhile, Jake joined his girls on the ground. He watched Amy stroke Lulu’s hair, whispering the same words over and over again.

“I’m right here. I’m safe. I’m not leaving you.”

Amy kept her eyes closed, rocking back and forth with the little girl. She has never seen her daughter’s eyes so full of fear. Jake was right. Something was wrong. This was not their daughter.

Their daughter was a ray of light  _ (pretty ironic considering what her name means)  _ that had filled their life with joy. But now it felt like she was stuck in this dark storm without any light. She burst with giggles at Jake’s jokes, she hugged Amy tight every moment she got without sparing a sincere “I love you, Mama”, and so much more. Their daughter couldn’t even crack a smile as Jake cheated at her favorite game.

Lulu slowly pulled her head out of Amy’s chest, leaning her head against her mom’s heart, listening to each beat carefully. A few sniffles escaped alongside now quiet, slow tears.

Amy leaned down to press a long kiss on her daughter’s head. “I love you so much Lulu. I’m not leaving you.”

“It felt like it.”

“I know, baby. I know.” Amy tried to continue her thought before being cut off.

“I thought you were hurt,” Lulu sniffled, playing with her necklace. “I thought the bad guy came back and hurt you. And that you weren’t gonna come back.”

The three sat still in the deafening silence. The parents exchanged looks, completely saddened by what their daughter thought. The only thing running through Amy’s head was that she didn’t want Lulu to ever feel like that or be scared of that. She was supposed to be safe, to not have to worry, to be confident that she and Jake would come home. This was not how it was supposed to be.

“Ames,” Jake called her back into reality, “I think we need some help with this.”

Tears pooled up in the mother’s eyes. “No. No, we don’t.”

“Ames,” He put his hand over hers, stroking it with his thumb, “We can’t live like this anymore. Lulu can’t live like this anymore. You can’t live like this anymore.”

“But what if we get help and all they can say is that I’ve failed as her mom?” Her voice shook. “I don’t know what will happen if I’ve been told I failed my daughter.”

“Getting help doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a mom. It means that you love Lucy so much that you’re willing to do anything to help her,” He took a deep breath, offering a kind smile, “You’re the best mom to her. I know you love her. You love her giggles, her hugs, her cheesy smiles, her jokes... And I know that you would do anything to help and protect her.”

Amy shook her head. “I... I don’t know.”

“What if she was throwing up, had the highest fever ever, and was too weak to walk, but you didn’t know what she had? Would you take her to the doctor or just wait it out at home?” Jake tried getting his wife’s attention again.

“I would take her to the doctor,” Amy took a deep breath, “Just because I can’t see it doesn’t mean something isn’t going on.”

Jake smiled, “I’m proud of you. And I’ll be right here the whole time. You’re not gonna do this alone.”

She took his hand in hers, offering a weak smile. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“I’ll call the pediatrician tonight and see who she recommends.”

* * *

Lulu sat in her booster seat in the family’s sedan, watching out the window as they drove deeper into Brooklyn. “I wish I got to hang out with Auntie RoRo.”

“But you get a special Lulu day with Mommy and Daddy! And we’re gonna have so much fun together.” Amy tried to raise the mood despite how they were going to do the one thing she dreaded.

It felt like nothing could prepare her for that appointment. She read multiple articles and journals about anxiety and any other disorders that could be associated with it. What if her daughter was like her and struggled with fear and doubt and worry more intensely than the average person? What if her daughter knew she was different? What if this wasn’t the next right thing for Lulu?

“Auntie RoRo said they were gonna play cops and robbers though!”

Jake laughed while peering at his middle child through the rearview window. “You wanna know something I don’t think Auntie RoRo is gonna do with Mac and Charlie?”

Lulu’s eyebrow went up as she smirked, a reminder to Jake just how much she was his wife’s twin. “What?”

At the red light, he fumbled with his phone and the car’s bluetooth before turning up the volume. With the first few notes from the piano, Lulu immediately perked up before beginning to belt the song with Jake.

“I can hear you, but I won’t. Some look for trouble while others don’t.”

Amy looked at both of them while laughing. Their bond was different, unique in fact. There was something about Lulu that sparked something in him. She didn’t know if it was the girl’s silly humor that mimicked her father’s, her willingness to belt any and all songs with Jake  _ (especially Disney ones) _ , the way she joined him in any of his antics, her bravery in the hard situations... The list went on. There was just something that made them both click and be in sync.

Soon, the song changed and all they could hear was Lulu’s little voice in the back. “ I've seen dark before, but not like this. This is cold, this is empty, this is numb.”

Jake reached over to grab his wife’s hand. He knew how scared she was. She felt inadequate, that raising each of her kids was like a test that, despite how hard she studied for it, she failed. Something in her told her that this was not the right thing. That what she was doing proved her greatest fear was right. She failed.

But he remembered last night and reminding her fifty times over how proud he was of her. This was the best thing they could do for Lulu right now. This gave their family tools to help all of them cope with not only the incident at Amy’s precinct but also with their jobs with the NYPD.

His gaze towards Amy was met with a lone tear escaping as his grip tightened, trying to affirm her that it was okay and he was proud. Before long, Jake was back and joining Lulu in the song.

“Just do the next right thing. Take a step, step again.” She heard his voice being soft while still looking between Amy and the road. “It is all that I can to do, the next right thing.”

Maybe, just like Anna, this was the next right thing to do. Even though it went against everything she felt, it was right. This would help Lulu feel better about her being gone at work or running errands or just not being there for whatever reason. It would make their relationship stronger than it was right now. She had not failed at being her mom. She was doing the next right thing, getting her daughter help.

“Then I'll make the choice to hear that voice,” She smiled at him and peaked back at their daughter as she joined in on the last line. “And do the next right thing.”

* * *

Lulu sat on Amy’s lap, snuggling up and listening to her mom’s heart beat. The doctor’s office, though bright and cheery and overflowing with toys of all kinds, was the last place she wanted to be. She was told it was a Lulu day, a day all about her-- **_not_ ** a day spent at the doctor’s.

“And.. Done. It is finished!” On the ground, Jake placed the last Lego on top before looking up at his two girls, beaming with pride. “Look what I made!”

Lulu looked over first, totally unimpressed. “What is that, Daddy?”

He scoffed. “It’s Nakatomi Plaza, the greatest monument in the history of the world!”

“Jake, it looks like a tower of mismatched blocks that Charlie put together.”

Jake sighed before picking up a little spaceman Lego figure. His demeanor picked up once more. “But look! Here comes John McClane, down the side of the building!”

“Daddy...”

“Ah! I should’ve been a better wife to Holly Gennaro!”

“Jake..”

“Yippie ki-yay mother-”

“JAKE!” Amy brings him out of his 50-billionth  _ Die Hard  _ fantasy, pointing at the nurse behind him.

Looking at the scene speechless, the assistant tried to find the words. “Uh, Lucy Santiago-Peralta?”

Amy offered an apologetic smile, standing up with Lulu. “That’s us.”

“Dr. White will see you now. Right this way.”

Being ushered past the close door and into the hallway of patient rooms, Amy held a quiet Lulu close and leaned over to Jake so he was in earshot. “I thought we agreed that ‘Yippie ki-yay’ was saved just for the bedroom. Especially after the incident at Mac’s parent-teacher conference.”

“But Mac had the best book report in the whole fourth grade, thanks to his super smort Mom!”

“It wasn’t justified then and it isn’t justified now.” Amy sighed, trying to hide a small smile  _ (as not to encourage all this, but her husband never failed to make her laugh) _ . 

Her gaze was caught by Lulu, nestling up in the crook of her neck. “You’re gonna do so good, babe.”

The assistant knocked on the door before opening it and letting the family in. Lulu looked all around the room, confused as this was not the normal doctor room she knew. There were toys everywhere, a table with chairs in the center, and an easel in the corner. Trees and forests were painted on the walls with small, cute animals hidden throughout.

A smiling lady stood up from the table, walking up to shake her parents’ hands. “Hi, I’m Isabelle White.”

Lulu, wide-eyed and surprised, pulled herself up to whisper in Amy’s ear. “Mommy, she’s like Isabelle in your town.”

Amy stifled her giggle, nodding. “Yeah, they have the same name, don’t they?”

Returning the smile, Jake reached out to shake her hand. “I’m Jake Peralta.”

“And I’m Amy Santiago.” She looked over to Lucy before pushing back one of her braids. “And this is Lucy.”

Isabelle approached with a smile. “Well, hi Lucy. How old are you?”

She looked at Amy, who gave a reassuring nod that this stranger was safe, before taking a deep breath. “Six.”

“Woah! That’s so big. You’re one full hand plus some, huh?” Lulu nodded at Isabelle’s response before she kept going as the group took their seats at the table. “Do you like to color?”

“Yeah, a little. I color with my sister at home a lot.” She responded from Amy’s lap, playing with her mom’s fingers on her lap.

“That’s awesome! Can you draw me a picture today? I got an easel over there with lots of colors.”

Her little eyes lit up as if it was Christmas and she just got her favorite present in the whole world. “Yeah! Can I draw Isabelle from Animal Crossing? She’s my favorite.”

“Isabelle must be pretty awesome but I would love to see a picture of your family. I know you have a mommy, a daddy, and a sister. Is there anyone else?”

“Yeah! Mac and Auntie RoRo and Uncle Charles and Uncle Terry and Grandpa Ray and Grandpa Kevin!” She jumped off Amy’s lap before going over to the easel with Isabelle. “Can I draw us anywhere?”

“Yes ma’am, you can! Just let me know when you’re all done.” Isabelle left the little girl in her element as she rejoined the parents.

Amy bit her lip as she began to hum the melody to  _ You're a Grand Old Flag _ , rolling her ankle around a bit.  _ This is good for us, it’s good for Lu, and we’re gonna get some help. It’s all going to be okay.  _ She tried to convince herself once again with the nerves running through her. Yes, she knew she was doing the right thing for all of them, especially Lucy; but now it was real. They were actually sitting in the room with the doctor and their appointment was getting started.

Isabelle gave a small smile. “Is this your guys’ first time doing anything like this? With counseling and therapy?”

“It’s the first time for one of our kids to do it. Why? Do we look nervous? Because let me tell you, I am  **_prepared_ ** . Fully prepared. You got questions, I got answers.” She giggled nervously, looking between Isabelle and Jake. Their faces did not look convinced as Jake grabbed her hand and rubbed his thumb across the top of it. Soon, Amy sighed and looked down. “Not really convincing?”

“Not really.” Isabelle offered a smile. “I just want to reassure you that there is nothing wrong with bringing Lucy to a therapist. And the things that you’ve told your pediatrician are completely normal for someone her age.”

“It is?” Amy perked up immediately, letting go of Jake’s hand and leaning in closely.

The therapist nodded. “It is. Separation anxiety is typical for a child her age. She wants to be near and know where you both are at all times, so she clings and refuses to leave you out of her sight. The worry and refusing to go to places like school are also normal for something like this. And considering the event that happened at your job a while back, she is most likely still carrying the trauma of that day with her and is then more attached to you.”

“So all of this,” Amy gestured her hands in a circle, “is normal? None of this is weird or out of left field or anything like that?”

“No, it’s all considered normal.”

Amy stood up with the biggest grin. “So that means we’re good to go and--”

“Not exactly.” Isabelle stopped her attempt to leave.

Jake looked up and gestured to her chair. “Sit down, Ames.”

Back and focused, Isabelle continued. “Some of her behaviors can be seen as excessive, like crawling into bed with you constantly or crying at the door everyday when you’re trying to go to work. Those things can be normal but too much of it can begin to interfere with your lives. We want Lucy to know that she’s safe and there are other things she, and you guys, can all do to help her when she’s feeling worried.”

Amy nodded before taking Jake’s hand again, looking down at the floor. He felt the nerves surging through her, causing her to shake a bit. She was probably suppressing braiding her hair and singing the songs again from her songbook. Fear settled back into her as she doubted every choice she’s made as a mother for the past nine years.

Then he thought of something. “Hey doc, do you think we did the right thing by bringing Lucy in here?”

“Oh absolutely,” Isabelle put down her pen and folded her hands on the table, “I do not have all the answers and can’t bring her back to herself in just one session but I do know that this was the right thing for her. I want Lucy to be the healthiest version of herself and this is a great step in the right direction. I can see that you guys care about your daughter. If you didn’t, we wouldn’t be here and doing this.”

She looked back at Amy with a weak smile. “Don’t see this all as a test that you’re failing. You’re not failing. Just look at all this as the next best thing.”

“Just like Anna,” Amy smirked before meeting Isabelle’s look. “Sorry, Frozen II reference. There was a song in the car and--”

“It’s okay. Frozen II was pretty good afterall.”

“All done!” Lucy joined them back at the table with her drawing, leaving it out on the table for all to see.

“That is absolutely beautiful, Lucy! Mind showing me who all is there?” Isabelle picked up her pen again.

Lucy pointed to one of the three buildings on the paper. “That’s our house. There’s me, Daddy, my brother Mac, my sister Charlie, and Isabelle.”

“Isabelle? Like from Animal Crossing?”

“Yup! And then,” Her finger moved to a building parallel to it with a few more characters in it, “That’s the 99 where Daddy works. Auntie RoRo is the one with the black hair, Uncle Charles has the tie, Uncle Terry has the big muscles, and Grandpa Ray and Grandpa Kevin holding hands.”

“That’s so cool! You must love getting to hang out with them, huh?” Isabelle took note before noticing someone very important missing, “I think you're missing someone at your house. Where’s your mommy?”

Lucy shifted her finger below the building that was the 99 to another below it with two people. “She’s down here. I didn’t forget her.”

“Who’s this guy with the black hat?” Isabelle’s finger joined to point at the man opposite the drawing of Amy.

“That’s the bad guy with a gun. He came to her work one day and she almost died.” Lucy’s voice began to fade as she finished her thought, fear overcoming her slowly.

Isabelle nodded, pulling the picture towards her to get a better look. “Was that a scary day?”

The little girl nodded before climbing onto Amy’s lap. “Yeah. Daddy, Mac, Charlie, and me didn’t know where she was. I thought she died.”

Amy held her tight, smelling the coconut shampoo scent in her hair and rubbing small circles on her daughter’s back. They both pulled back as Amy cupped her daughter’s cheek. “I will always do my best to come home to you, Lulu. You don’t have to be scared. If you are scared, you can always talk to Daddy about it. And if he can’t talk, you can talk to Mac, or Auntie RoRo, or Uncle Terry, or Grandpa Ray and Grandpa Kevin, or even Uncle Charles.”

Lucy giggled at the last part about her uncle before Amy dropped her hand and went on. “There are so many people who love you and don’t want you to be scared alone, and they’re always going to be there to help you. Okay?”

“Okay,” Lulu reached up to Amy’s face, mimicking the same action as before. “I love you, Mama.”

“I love you too, Lulu Bean.” They hugged once more as a small weight was lifted off Amy’s chest. She didn’t have to worry that she wasn’t the right mom for her daughter because she didn’t know what to do or what to say that would make her feel better. She was and always will be the right pick for her Lucy. As long as her kids knew they were safe and loved, Amy was doing her job right.

Isabelle smiled and clicked her pen. “I am so glad that you know of people you can talk to when you’re feeling scared, Lucy. That’s awesome.”

“Well, I’m still worried that something’s gonna happen at her work again.” The six year old piped up, sounding way more confident than before.

“I think I got an idea.” She laid down her pen on the notepad and pushed them towards the girls. “How about we make a list of things we can do if you start worrying about Mom or Dad?”

“What do we write down? Mommy’s the one who makes all the lists.” Lucy picked up the writing utensil.

Amy leaned forward and rested her chin on her daughter’s shoulder. “Let’s start with this. If Daddy or I am ever late getting home from work, we’ll call whoever is at the house and tell them.”

“Oo! I like that!”

“I got one,” Jake chimed in. “If one of us is late, you can help whoever is at home with you start dinner. So you can be doing something while you wait.”

“That’s a really good idea. It keeps your mind off of worrying about your parents and on how to help things keep going without one of them there. Now, let’s talk about nighttime,” Isabelle leaned in, “If you get scared in the middle of the night, from like a nightmare or anything like that, you can go be with your parents. But I want you to sleep on a sleeping bag on the floor. And only if you need to.”

Lucy added it to the list with a grinning Amy watching carefully. “Got it. Now what can we do about Mac?”

* * *

That night after their day spent in Dr. White’s office, Jake and Amy found themselves in the girls’ room, tucking Lulu and Charlie into bed.

“Goodnight Lu,” Jake leaned down to press a kiss to the girl’s head, “Mommy and I will be in our room if you need us. And the sleeping bag is on the floor if you need it.”

Lulu held her stuffed bunny close. “I think I’m gonna try to stay here with Bunny tonight.”

He smiled, thinking about how proud he was of his daughter. She might be terrified of trying to stay in her bed tonight but at least she’s willing to try. She’s willing to be brave tonight and his heart is swelling with pride.

“Lu, have I told you how awesome I think you are?”

“You tell me everyday, Daddy.”

Amy joined them moments later as Jake swapped roles to go say goodnight to Charlie. She sat on the edge of Lulu’s bed. “So did Daddy tell you about the sleeping bag?”

“Yep, right by your bed.” Lulu took a pause while playing with her bunny’s ear. “Mommy, can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything.”

“Did I do good at Miss Isabelle’s office today?”

Amy put a hand on Lulu’s leg. “You did so good, babe. And I’m so proud of you. You were really brave.”

Lulu looked back up with her signature Santiago smile, the same one that Amy has looked at her with so many times before. “I’m proud of you too, Mommy. I know you were scared too. But you were really brave!”

The only thing going through her mind right now was how lucky she was to get a kid like Lucy. She has yet to meet a kid that lifts up those around her. She and Jake were doing something right with these kids.

“It’s time for bed, Lulu,” She leaned down for a kiss, “Goodnight, love.”

“Goodnight. I love you.”

“I love you more, Lu. More than you know.”


End file.
